New Al Qaeda Head Deemed to Have Sufficient “Crazy-Eyes” to Run Organization.

Asheville Disclaimer News - June 15, 2006: 2:17 PM EDT- Days after the death of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, Al Qaeda in Iraq issued a press release announcing its new leader Egyptian-born Abu Ayyub al-Masri. Members of Al Qaeda are very excited, but are wondering if he will maintain their current sick-day policy or get rid of Hawaiian burqa Fridays.

“Regardless of his leadership skills," said an al Qaeda spokesman, "we felt he had mastered the crazy eye needed to be a great al Qaeda leader. Leadership skills are great, but when you’re cutting the head off a hostage on TV, it’s really about the look. Even more than that, it’s about that “crazy eye” look. We think he’s nailed it.”

In a press release by al-Masri himself, he said that his past beheading experience, his many terrorist workshops, and his BA in Infidel Destruction and The Explosive Arts lets him bring to the table a cache of valuable work experience, not to mention a face full of “crazy eye”.

“I look forward to bringing al Qaeda in Iraq into the new millennium. I see our beheading output tripling. I see many new things exploding. It’s really an exciting time to be in Iraq. I look forward to the short time I have left before I’m martyred by a large American bomb. ”