Thursday, March 03, 2005

Vatican Researching Possibility of Robo-Pope

Working on right now. I know there's a funny picture to be made here. Just need to find the pieces. If anyone can think of funny stuff post it.

With the health of Pope John Paul keeping the Vatican in a state of concern, Vatican officials have turned to scientists in the area of robotics for possibilities of prolonging the Pope's life, or creating a Half-Pope/Half-Machine Cybernetic ChristianTron should the Lord attempt to call him home.

"We're exploring all avenues. We have the technology. We can rebuild him, make him better, stronger," a spokesman for the Vatican stated. "It might be expensive. It could be in upwards of an eight to Ten-Million-Dollar Pope."

Among the benefits of a Robo-Pope is that the Pope Mobile, which is expensive to maintain, would be uneeded as the new Pope would be bullet proof. "And fully armed," said Archbishop Gatzania. "Though he would only kill with the blessings of God, or if the attacker is a non-Christian."

Another feature is that the Pope's outer casing will come in a wide variety of colors. "From Crucifixion Red to Self-Loathing Brown, though we'll probably go with a nice glistening Papal Gold. It's really an eye-catcher."

"There's also been talk of a high-volume holy water discharging device to blast blessings onto crowds of people. He would be programmed to speak 450 languages, and would use Google to search through 53 versions of the holy bible. We're still deciding whether the Pope will be Windows or Linux based. There would also be a deactivate button in case he gets out of control, which is good, you know how he tends to ramble."

Another possibility is a jet pack that would allow the Pope to fly to distressed parts of world and convert heathens from a life of sin. Also, Robo-Pope's super-human strength would allow him to more sucessfully fight the evil Anti-Pope who's lair is just too far for the Pope to walk to right now.

"We think he could really become the enforcer of Christian law," commented Archbishop Gatzania. "If I got a visit from Robo-Pope at my house I would definitly think twice about using condoms and I would probably have to change my robe, if you know what I'm saying."