Sunday, January 30, 2005

Monkey's learn to buy porn!

So like us...

http://www.livescience.com/animalworld/050128_monkey_business.html

Thursday, January 27, 2005

B-to-the-E

Anhauzer-Bush have officially lost their minds. This'll go on the alchohol wall-of-shame right next to "Cool Colt".
http://www.wral.com/food/4131508/detail.html?sidebar=ots

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Billy Sticks it to “The Man”, Gets Hurt Real Bad

Billy is now recuperating after successfully sticking it to “The Man”. It was quite a satisfying shaft to the entity that has been in fact holding him down. But now Billy lies in bed recuperating from the unforseen consequences of his actions.

“I had had enough.” Billy said. “The Man” has always held me down and it was time to stick it to him. So one day I just got up and did it. I stuck it to “The Man.” But then “The Man” stuck it back to me and I wasn’t prepared for that. They never mention that to you, when people say you need to stick it to “The Man”. It’s not fair really. Sticking should be one way, me to “The Man”, not the other way around. I’m going to talk to some one in authority about this, maybe “Them”. I bet “They” know what to do. Maybe “They” will help me stick it to “The Man” again. But what if “They” are “The Man”? Maybe I should forget “Them” and “The Man” and stick it to “The Powers That Be”? I hope they don’t hurt me."

Monday, January 24, 2005

Don't Forget The Arcade Fire is playing Thursday!!!!!

The Arcade Fire
Coming to The Orange Peel
Thursday January 27th

I thought about titling this something like "The Arcade Fire to Rage at The Orange Peel" or "Burning toward Asheville" until I remembered that I hate it when people do that cutesy Entertainment Weekly crap.
Thank God there's finally a new breed of musicians here to rescue indie rock from the tired pit of postured art rock gimmicks it was rapidly descending. Bands that create sincere music that doesn't wallow in emo self-pity. Since the release of their debut long player Funeral, Montreal's The Arcade Fire have been one of the most universally praised of those bands.
On first listen, the compelling nature of Funeral could easily pass you by. This is an album that's more rewarding with each passing listen. At first the theatrics and high drama might seem forced and cliche until the subdued intensity of songs "7 Kettles" finally overtake you and the actual intensity of songs like "Neighborhood #2 (Laika)" make it all the better.
Sometimes highly dramatic, sometimes overly sentimental yes, but if you read their bio there's actually a bit of personal tragedy being worked through on Funeral. At its core, the album is nothing revolutionary, merely a collection of 10 well constructed pop songs. But something about it seems to strike a chord (no pun intended) and makes you love it to death.

Go to The Arcade Fire's website right now. www.arcadefire.com

Thursday, January 20, 2005

New Dear Arnold Piece. Post for Suggestions. Still Working On.

Dear Arnold,
My one-year-old’s stool has been runny and very yellow. Is this a sign of something wrong?
Susan


Dear Susan
Jesus Mahatma Christ, do I write you asking if my corn-pocked ass brownie is a sign of something wrong? Is it too brown? too orange? too blue? It’s a turd, lady, Take it out with the trash or store it in a mason jar under the bed like I do.

Dear Arnold,
My child’s been asking me about sex. He’s only five. Should I attempt to I explain it to him.
Perplexed


Dear Perplexed,
Tell him the truth. Sex is a smelly affair with an over-weight asian hooker that leaves you broke and wondering if those three minutes would have been better spent in the latrine slapping the soldier to Cat Fancy Magazine.

Dear Arnold,
In your opinion, what’s the best kind of baby formula?
Sally


It just so happens my wife makes the best formula and is now selling her world famous Baby Boo Boo Goo. That’s copyrighted by the way. It’s 2 1/3 cups paper mache paste, 1 cup water, 2 cups Monosodium Glutamate, two pints corn liquor, table spoon of gun powder, a pinch of mustard and a little secret ingrediant I like to call Diaper Melt. Contact us and we'll send you a barrel.

Dear Arnold,
What are some ways to get my four-year-old child to sleep through the night.
Tired


Dear Tired,
Well lets see. There’s yelling at him. That’s good. Threats, intimidation and mocking work as well. But personally, I would tell him that you see a flesh eating monster under his bed and if he makes a sound it will come eat him. To keep him in bed, just tell him that if he tries to get off his bed the monster will grab his foot, drag him under the bed and eat him raw. Trust me, this story is a miracle worker. After tucking him in, pretend the monster's grabbed your leg and is trying to pull you under the bed. Give a good convincing scream. Then limp away saying, I’m getting the hell out of here.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Website of the morning

Preperation X is possibly the best newsprint indie zine that I have ever seen in NC. I regularly read it cover to cover between 1995 and 1998. My back issues are like treasured relics from college. Anyway, I just discovered that there is a web archive of some of their best stuff so go over there and waste some time. www.prepx.com

Sunday, January 16, 2005

The Anchor has Landed!!

What am I doing right now? I'm listening to my very own (or the paper's anyway) copy of the highly anticipated Hope & Anchor album "The Geography of Goodbyes". I've been wanting to hear it since it was recorded November before last but I didn't want to have to sit on it forever before reviewing it. We also didn't want to review it waaayyy too early like we did with the Night's Bright Colors album.
The CD release partay was at the Grey Eagle last night. I looked around for Jakey Jihad but he was nowhere to be found. What gives? Anyway, what a fun fun time. I'm gonna give this a few spins and give it a review which I'll prolly post further down in this thread. Cool? Cool.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Need Help to Make Funny

Thought I'd post this and take suggestions. Like for example, a title....


Yuppies have always longed for place to call home. Often mocked for their strange dress and awkward priorities, they have been flocking to Asheville in search of a place to call home and a few simple dreams: nature accessible by Landrover, to own a quirky but expensive art gallery, and a little million-dollar home, preferable with gated access and 360 views.

"The fun and creative people of Asheville have been very accepting to us here", says Cheyanne and Tyler Watson recent transplants to Asheville, "Too bad we're going to have to force them to leave."

The Watsons, who moved from St, Petersburg, Florida to open an art gallery that will feature Cheyanne's paper mache bird houses, have found that the concept of creativity and free thinking was better left as a concept.

"Yes," says Tyler. "Creativity, openess, and all that crap is nice, but seriously, why would anyone want to be a poet or a potter, when they can make a killing with real estate?"

"It was quite a shock," said Cheyanne. "I'm an artist myself. I was well known for the popsicle-stick birds I made every year for the DAR auction. I moved to Asheville for the art and creativity. Instead, what I found were people who don't dress like me. They don't have money. They think and say strange things, and they didn't vote for Bush. It's frightening. This "creativity" needs to go. It's just not what I'm accustomed too."

Cheyanne and Tyler have applauded the closing of Vincent's Ear, who's strange characters often shocked and scared Cheyanne as she sped down Lexington Ave. With it gone, the Watsons feel a little bit safer.

"I'm so excited," said Cheyanne, "I can just picture a downtown filled with Saks Fifth Ave, Gap, Borders... ooh and a Margaritaville bar. I just love margaritas with those little umbrellas. Jimmy Buffet, now that's what I call cutting edge art."

"It's progress," said Tyler. "The indians were weird. We got rid of them. The poor people were weird. We got rid of them. Now the weird people are weird, so it's time they take their blue hair, free-thinking ways, and move somewhere less beautiful. Soon, Asheville will have a population of people just like me and Cheyanne. Imagine what a great town it will be."

Thursday, January 13, 2005

My top albums of 2004. What are yours?

Dave's Top 10 Albums of the 2004
In no particular order

The Futureheads - The Futureheads
Iron & Wine - Our Endless Numbered Days
TV on the Radio - Desperate Youth, Bloodthirsty Babes
Night's Bright Colors - All The Happiness There is
Sufjan Stevens - Seven Swans
The Arcade Fire - Funeral
Joanna Newsome - The Milk-Eyed Mender
Descolada - Paradise Lost
Tom Waits - Real Gone
Manamid - Standard Candles

Close contenders
Aleuchatistas - The Same and The Other
The Magnetic Fields - i
Lambchop - Aw C'mon/No You C'mon


Hunksuckle roses and teddybear kisses.

Answer post

Wow. Ideas sure are loud.

Hi Ho

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Test Post

Check 1...2...3... Check... Can I have more bass in the mic. Thanks... Check...Check..1..2..3... Perfect.