Thought I'd post this and take suggestions. Like for example, a title....
Yuppies have always longed for place to call home. Often mocked for their strange dress and awkward priorities, they have been flocking to Asheville in search of a place to call home and a few simple dreams: nature accessible by Landrover, to own a quirky but expensive art gallery, and a little million-dollar home, preferable with gated access and 360 views.
"The fun and creative people of Asheville have been very accepting to us here", says Cheyanne and Tyler Watson recent transplants to Asheville, "Too bad we're going to have to force them to leave."
The Watsons, who moved from St, Petersburg, Florida to open an art gallery that will feature Cheyanne's paper mache bird houses, have found that the concept of creativity and free thinking was better left as a concept.
"Yes," says Tyler. "Creativity, openess, and all that crap is nice, but seriously, why would anyone want to be a poet or a potter, when they can make a killing with real estate?"
"It was quite a shock," said Cheyanne. "I'm an artist myself. I was well known for the popsicle-stick birds I made every year for the DAR auction. I moved to Asheville for the art and creativity. Instead, what I found were people who don't dress like me. They don't have money. They think and say strange things, and they didn't vote for Bush. It's frightening. This "creativity" needs to go. It's just not what I'm accustomed too."
Cheyanne and Tyler have applauded the closing of Vincent's Ear, who's strange characters often shocked and scared Cheyanne as she sped down Lexington Ave. With it gone, the Watsons feel a little bit safer.
"I'm so excited," said Cheyanne, "I can just picture a downtown filled with Saks Fifth Ave, Gap, Borders... ooh and a Margaritaville bar. I just love margaritas with those little umbrellas. Jimmy Buffet, now that's what I call cutting edge art."
"It's progress," said Tyler. "The indians were weird. We got rid of them. The poor people were weird. We got rid of them. Now the weird people are weird, so it's time they take their blue hair, free-thinking ways, and move somewhere less beautiful. Soon, Asheville will have a population of people just like me and Cheyanne. Imagine what a great town it will be."
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6 comments:
"I think I'll move to Asheville and offer professional feng shui"
Possible column titles:
Yuppies: 'Mountain people ruining these mountains'
Asheville ranked 3rd best location to come ruin
Recent Atlanta transplant mocks recent Atlanta transplants
......soon I'll learn how to log in-- Saltpeter
I like them all especially the "mountain people ruining the mountains." Very funny.
I didn't mean this as a sarcastic piece. Hippies and blue-haried people really scare me and should be run out of town. I thought I was making that clear.
Bush in '08!
By the way, to log on go to www.blogger.com and type in your username and password. Then click on the Asheville Disclaimer link.
Tell me about it. Why doesn't everyone understand that this place can only be truly appreciated by MY kind of people.
Okay, I just spent the weekend groaning on my sofa from a especially brutal stomach virus. I hope I didn't spread it to anyone, because it's evil.
This piece needs a little work. I've reallized that what I wanted to do was make fun of the people who would be happy that Vincent's Ear was closed, more so than transplants. The transplant thing is funny maybe I should focus more on that.
Coming from Atlanta where every cool, original place (Tortillas, Austin Ave. Buffet, The Claremont Lounge, every house I've ever rented...) eventually gets torn down or replaced by fancy shops or condominiums, and to finally make the move to Asheville and see it happening here is especially disheartening. If I wanted to live in that environment I would have stayed in Atlanta. So yea, there is a certain population with a certain mentality that I would rather not see move here.
I guess it's unavoidable. Anyway, I'm going to try and sharpen this up.
More mountains than you could ever want in Asheville NC! Come for the fun, stay for the lifestyle.
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