Ten Ways To Spice Up Your Love Life

if anyone has any thing to add... comment away

1. Incorporate some food. Slather a rack of ribs on your chest or take a bath in bread crumbs… sexy!
2. Ask your lover if he/she would like to play the dirty trombone!
3. Perhaps a prostitute to liven up that boring anniversary.
4. Heat up the night with a nice game of “Turtle.”
5. Okay… now you're Lynndie England and I’m the Iraqi prisoner.
6. Share sexy stories about past girl/boy friends.
7. Surprise sweetie... we just did it live on webcamsupersluts.com!
8. Nothing says I love you like waking up next to a Cleveland steamer.
9. Motivate your lover. During sex, point out all the things they do wrong.
10. Try doing it in front of your dog.

Scientists Baffled Why Attempts at Gerbil-Powered Space Probe Continue to Fail

Team members at NASA's Gerbil Propulsion Laboratory are regrouping after yet another disasterous attempt at gerbil-powered space flight. Their space probe Galactic Voyager veered from its predetermined path and is now drifting aimlessly in space. All onboard, Brown Gerbil, White Gerbil and Brown-and-White Gerbil, are feared dead.

"It’s back to the drawing board," said mission specialist Dale Rogers. "I just don’t get it. The gerbils run in the little plastic ball. It spins. Energy is created. It should be so simple. Maybe we should have used hamsters "

Scientists are checking data on meteors, solar winds and radiation. A flight scheduled for May was scrubbed when one of the gerbilnauts escaped, chewed through wiring, and gave birth to babies in the navigation computers.

This is the 12th mission to end in disaster and the government is pondering pulling the plug on gerbil power research. "It's just not come to fruition like we were told" said Bill Halloway goverment overseer for NASA. "Gerbil powered cars, TVs, trains... The science is sound. We just haven't seen the results."

"We don't know what happened on Mission 12. Some are discussing how the gerbils didn't have food and water," said Dale Rogers. "We're running that data through some of the supercomputers right now. I'm skeptical of that theory myself. It looks more like a blast of gamma rays altered the DNA of the gerbils making them lazy and stupid. That's where I'd put my money."

Housing Bubble About to Burst. Economy Prepares for Soap in the Eye

With housing prices at record highs, economists around the country are watching the housing bubble waiting for what they see as the inevitable burst. What impact will a popped housing bubble have on the economy? No one knows, but there are a lot of questions. For example: What sound will the pop make? Will we get soap in our eyes? Why can’t we catch the bubble in our hands without it popping?

Answers to these questions are important in determining the effect it will have on the economy. Will the pop be loud and sudden or will it gradually deflate and merely whine like a leaking balloon? What if the bubble floats up too high for us to grab? Is there some sort of house bubble making machine? What if the bubble pops in our mouths? Will it taste bad?

“I’m not going to buy a house if it’s just going to burst later,” said the Smiths, a young couple in the market for a house in Seattle. “We keep hearing about this bubble and we’re worried. Can this bubble be reblown like bubble gum or will it pop into nothing like a soap bubble. Alan Greenspan isn’t answering these questions and it has us worried. I think we'll get an apartment. Those aren't going to pop are they?”

"The housing bubble is a mysterious unknown," says David Crenshaw an economist at Harvard. "I've done extensive research on this phenomena by blowing bubbles in my bathtub. I blew big bubbles and small bubbles. None impacted the economy whatsoever. So my impression is that there is absolutely nothing to worry about."

Learn to Play the Cat in 10 minutes

by Ralph Breakwind

Nothing makes an evening more enjoyable then sitting around playing the Cat. Whether with a group of friends or on stage with a band, few instruments are blessed with the unique sound than that of a well-played Cat. Here are some pointers to get you on your way to playing the Cat.

1. It's important to have good Cat-playing form. The traditional method is the "Stomp-and-Grab" method. Grab head, lift up while pinning body to ground with your left foot. Arc arm. Get a solid grip with your left hand and remember to breath.

2. With your right arm, squeeze Cat. Did you notice the sound? Congratulations. That’s the first step toward being an accomplished Cat player.

3. Play around first. Squeeze your Cat in different areas and explore the tonal qualities of your new instrument. Once you feel comfortable try a simple song like “Mary had a little Lamb”.

4. Remember playing a Cat won’t come easily at first. So to become a good player you must do three things: Practice, practice and wear gloves.

5. If you know of friends who play the Cat, try "jamming" with them. It's a fun way to learn.

Remember, you're not going to be "rocking out" at first. Playing a Cat is difficult but with practice and commitment you'll be able to squeeze sounds out of your Cat that you never knew existed.

Tiget Bear Wolf

Tiger Bear Wolf - S/T
(2005, Hello Sir Records)

I try my best to remain non-prjudicial about new bands. The one thing that can put a bad taste in my mouth before even popping the disk into my player though is the assertion by some boneheaded critic that a band is going to "save rock and roll". Rock is apparently a highly fragile damsel tied to the railroad tracks by a mustache twirling, top-hatted villain. The truth is that Rock and Roll doesn't need saving, never has. She's a shit-kicking hell raiser who can take care of herself. She just needs celebrating. If you're THAT concerned then start a damn preservation society or something. Its also interesting that none of those bands ever sound anything like Bill Haley and The Comets, instead they wallow in the bloated self indulgence that was killing rock in the mid-70's.
On their self-titled debut, Greensboro, NC's Tiger Bear Wolf actually have something new to bring to the table. When they say, "I'll take up my guitar cause I know one thing worth saving is rock and roll," there's a bit of cheekiness to the statement. They are the celebrators and not the self-proclaimed saviors. Don't take that to mean that they're the least bit ironic, when it comes to kicking out the jams they're serious. What they don't do is rest their laurels on emulating a specific rock sound for the sake of nostalgia.
What Tiger Bear Wolf does is incorporate the last thirty five odd years of rock history into their sound. There's the impetuous energy of The Stooges, the sloppy production and heavy riffage of The MC5, the braying bark of Fugazi's Ian MacKaye, the acrobatic guitaristry of Drive Like Jehu and the sophisticated innovation of Mission of Burma. One thing these guys aren't are posseurs. This album proves that sweaty energy ain't just for cock rockers anymore.
The bursts from your speakers sound so spontanious and primal that the complexity of the songs may pass you by on first listen. They don'y just grab you by the balls, they also grab you by the head. There's as much math as there is testosterone in Tiger Bear Wolf. With this release we've come closer to the day that mullets and mohawks can embrace in fellowship. I will never say that rock and roll needs to be saved, but I will admit that they've saved me from boredom and monotony.

Young Republicans, America Needs You Now!

by Barton Bushfield

Fellow Republicans, I write this because America is in crisis. The war in Iraq is dragging. The armed services can't meet their already-lowered recruitment goals. The president's competency is under attack by the Democrats, and polls show dwindling support for the war.

It's time Republicans started doing more than just talk about the war. That's why I'm supporting Operation Yellow Elephant. This operation’s goal is to get all young Republicans, particularly those in college, who voted for George Bush and who support the war to join the armed services today!

I don't understand how any healthy young Republican can be attending college while America is under attack. You can't spread democracy by taking an English exam.

So this is what Operation Yellow Elephant asks of you: Bush voters, war supporters — put your ass where your mouth is. Put up or shut up. Stop what you're doing and enlist right now! I know you've purposefully kept those Army positions vacant so the poor minorities in this country have a way to pay for college, and that's admirable of you, but now it's time to fill the empty ranks with good ol' all-American Republicans!

Operation Yellow Elephant is helping the Army reach its recruiting goals. We've asked the College Republican National Committee to put recruiting banner's on their website and brochures. So far they have refused. I ask my fellow Republicans, how can the American people be expected to support a war if the supporters themselves refuse to fight? That's why I implore all young Republicans in college to enlist today. Support war, support your president!

But we must do more than join the Army, Navy or Marines. We must convince other war supporters to do their share as well. Therefore, I ask you to call the College Republican National Committee at (888) 765-3564 and tell them to put an Army recruiting banner on their site and to enlist as well. Call the organizers of the Young Republicans National Convention at 775-741-4430. Tell them it’s time their members put their lives on the line for George W. Visit your local college and ask the members of any Republican club to put down the books and pick up a rifle. Do it for America!

Visit www.militarygi.com to enlist and check out our Operations Homepage at http://patriotboy.blogspot.com to learn more. Come on Republicans. Let's go kick some ass!

Ask Arnold... in progress

Dear Arnold,
I have a tween who I believe is smoking. How do you suggest I handle it.
Sarah

Dear Sarah,
What the hell is a tween? Isn't that some kind of fish? Look, I don't know what you're smoking, but i'm not answering a question about a damn fish.

Dear Arnold,
My husband and I were caught having sex by my six-year-old son. It frightened him and I don’t know how to tactfully explain to him what we were doing. What do you suggest?
Embarrassed

Dear Embarrassed,
I was six years old myself when I walked in on my own parents. On the kitchen table were two moaning piles of sweaty fat rolls and double chins. I can still remember the horror of seeing my parents faces buried in a mound of flailing wrinkly limbs and jiggling thighs sloshing back and forth with every snorting spasm and wheezy grunt. Now imagine being six-years-old and realizing you were created from that unholy spectacle. That's why God invented door locks. Your son's just going to have to work through that one.

Dear Arnold,
My milk supply has been running low and I’m afraid my baby isn’t getting enough milk from my breast. What should I do?
Worried

Dear Worried,
Two words “Recombinant Bovine Somatotropin.” That’s fancy talk for cow growth hormone. Inject 300mg of that every three days and you'll be blowing your kid across the room.

Dear Arnold,
I have a 16-year-old daughter who has decided to be a vegetarian. The problem is I don't think she gets enough protein, and I'm worried abot her health. Should I let her continue?
Deloris

Dear Deloris,
If you don't eat meat, your humours get all unbalanced. Whenever our humours got off kilter, Grand Ma Ma thought would make us one of her medicinal bacon smoothies. Two-and-half pounds of bacon, fatback, butter, a chicken gizzard, thyme and some hog squeezin's. Blend until not so chunky.

Dear Arnold,
What are some alternatives to spanking. We really would not like to spank our child.
Randy

Dear Randy,
I agree, spanking is a pansy-ass way to raise a kid. My father had a much better way. He'd give me "The Look" followed by a series of back hands and would always say, "When we were conceiving you at that bus station, I should have rolled over and shot you into the wall." Then it was straight back to the basement. I turned out great, outside of that stint at Leavenworth.

Insurgent Car Bombers Hold First Annual “Pimped Out Ride” Contest

by Rusty McWackin

Downtown Baghdad was bustling today at the First Annual Baghdad Car Bomber “Pimped Out Ride” Contest. Among the shouts of “Death to America” and “Allah is great”, were oohs and awes as car bombers from all over Iraq viewed each other's tricked-out vehicles and shared secrets on the latest explosive concealing techniques.

One participant, Akmed, an American-hating Saudi Arabian who drives a "totally pimped-out" Ford Escort had a crowd gathered around him. They wanted to learn the secrets of his rust-colored, four-cylinder, two-seater with bald tires and shot brakes.

“Yo this car is da bomb!” says Akmed, excitedly popping the rear window for his Al Qaeda buddies, “Check it out. I’ve got C-4 packed in the back. I've got it in my mags. I’ve got screws and bolts jammed in the frame for that extra zing zing… you know what I’m saying. I’ve got exploding doors. I’ve got 20 under the hood (20 lbs of dynamite). My gear shift is filled with nitroglycerin and my pine tree air freshener is made of gun powder. The driver's seat is soaked in gasoline. And check this out…” Akmed pulls back his shirt to reveal a suicide vest. The crowd cheers. “I’m riding this baby to my 100 virgins in the sky… beyatch… after I blow up some people waiting in line for food… Praise Allah.”

There were more than just cars at the Baghdad contest. Some insurgents drove in on modified three-wheelers with shoulder-fired rockets, mopeds with flame throwers, even a bicycle with fireworks duct taped to the frame. “I’m poor,” said the bike rider,” but we’re such a close knit group. I wanted to show support.” He was later given a stick of dynamite to put on his handlebar horn by a sympathetic insurgent. “You see what I mean“, he said choking back tears, “these guys are the best.”

The event was relatively peaceful, with a few mishaps The slamming of car doors, the occasional smoker, or someone standing near a car caused some insurgents to prematurely martyr themselves, but everyone agrees, it was all in the name of good fun.

The winner was an insurgent from Kirkuk whose tricked-out Volkswagen Beetle held enough power to level a downtown block. He was awarded the “Praise Allah, Death to America” award, which was a bronzed stick of C-4 that accidentally exploded when he raised it above his head in celebration.

After a nice meal and the shouting of “Death to American Pig Dogs”, they all left to test the pimpness of their explosive rides on unsuspecting women and children around the city.

Ask Arnold

Dear Arnold,
How do you know when your child is old enough to be potty trained?
Sincerely,
Tired of Diapers.

Dear Tired of Diapers.
It’s all about the subtle clues. For instance, I knew it was time for little Henry to try the potty when he came up to me and said, ”Dad, the diapers are giving me a rash when I mow the lawn.” That was the sign that little Henry didn’t need to change his own diapers any more. He had become a man.

Dear Arnold,
Our baby cries a lot. What’s a good way to sooth a crying baby and make them stop.
Tired.

Dear Tired,
Duct tape, dirty sock, muzzle, glue... there's just too many to mention. A question like that makes me think you're not really trying.


Dear Arnold,
I’m wondering if our child is suffereing from ADD - attention deficit disorder. He's showing signs of inattention, impulsivity and hyperactivity. What should we do?
Concerned

Dear Concerned,
Let’s see here. You’re kid gets bored easily, likes to do spontaneous things and has a lot of energy. That sure doesn’t sound like any kid I know. He's probably just a little stupid, and as far as I know there's no cure for that.

Dear Arnold,
My son's soccer coach refuses to play my son even though I know he's as good as the other kids. What's the best way to handle this situation?
Dan

Dear Dan,
The best time to handle this is in the middle of a soccer game. Pull a knife on the coach and tell him to meet you behind Piggly Wiggly. If he refuses to go, show your son how to deal withany disagreement by throwing a swift punch to his throat and doing a Pekinese Groin Grab. (Look at his wife while you do this.) It's a little demasculating trick I learned in Da Nang.

Dear Arnold,
What are some things to look out for when we’re buying toys for our three-year-old son.
Patrick

Dear Patrick,
Don’t get him anything gay. You don’t want to turn your boy into some flaming ass hound because you got him a doll or something pink. Nothing will turn a boy queerer faster than a bunch of gay toys. Get guns, knives, things to teach him how to defend our country from the boys who grew up with gay toys. As far as girls, just get them some kitchen cooking tea-set crap, so they can get started on learning how to cook for their man.

Rush Limbaugh Injures Self Pulling Statistic Out of Ass

Veteran talk show host and Republican spokesman Rush Limbaugh left the airing of his radio show yesterday and was rushed to a local hospital after sustaining injuries from pulling a statistic out of his ass.

Limbaugh’s prodigious ass, known for holding a wide assortment of facts, quotes and figures, is also home to an ever-present array of statistics. Normally blessed with ample girth and an excessively wide opening, the removal of facts and statistics from Limbaugh’s ass has never held any threat of injury until yesterday. Limbaugh was reaching into his ass to retrieve a statistic on the “bald face lie known as global warming.” when the accident occurred.

Unable to retrieve the statistic, Limabugh ignored the warnings from Mr. Snerdly and attempted to remove the statistic with both hands, causing him to slip and his head to become lodged in his own ass. He was last seen being wheeled into the hospital on a stretcher, double-chin deep and asking for a "couple of handfuls of Oxycontin" to ease the pain. The surgeon attending Limbaugh told reporters that it appears these statistics were unexpectedly caught on a swollen hemorrhoid and a half-digested corndog lodged in Limbaugh's colon.

Limbaugh’s lawyer told reporters that his client was doing fine, appreciated the many letters of support and should be out of the hospital in a matter of days. After grunting and reaching behind himself, the lawyer held up a paper and said that 87% of all radio-show personalities have "ass/statistic" problems, and that 98% of all liberals are spawned from the loins of Satan himself.

How to Make a Million Dollars, The Chester Hatfield Way!

Are bills getting you down? Hate your job? Tired of eating Ramen noodles for breakfast? Well I've got some great news for you. I know a way to make tons of cash, fast and easy. I’m living proof. In fact, I took a shower today and dried myself off with a pile of $1000 bills. Why? Because I’m crazy… crazy with money!

What if I were to tell you that you can make a million dollars? It's true... and all you have to do is tell people that you know how to make a million dollars... You’re looking unconvinced. But trust me. It’s easy. Buy my book and DVD for $179.99, and learn my method and you’ll be sitting back on an undisclosed beach watching the money pour right in.

Why should you buy my DVD and book for the low, low price of $179.99? Because in it is a secret that no one wants you to know. Only I possess it, and I want to give it to you... for the low, low price of $179.99. All you need is the courage to take charge of your life and convince others that you know a secret way to make a million dollars.

You might be thinking, gee Chester, I don’t know a secret way to make a million dollars. That’s the beauty of my plan; you don’t have to know how to make a million dollars to make a million dollars!

This is what you’ll get for your money:
1. An instructional book to sell as your own, “How to Make A Million Dollars The _______ _______ Way!”
2. A pre-written ad for newspapers describing what you're offering. With exciting phrases like, "Are bills getting you down?", "Crazy with Money!" and "This is what you'll get for your money:"
3. An instructional video that teaches you where to find agreeable mindless models that will act like they love your product.
4. Tips on which maniacal greasy-hair look works best with what desperate gullible demographic.
5. Steps on how to look into the camera and act like your just about to achieve orgasm, yet still point to a yacht that you don’t even own!

I’m telling you folks, you’re missing out if you don’t act now. For just $179.99 you can change your life. Come on! Start Making Money the Chester Hatfield Way!

Ask Arnold - in progress

Dear Arnold,
My 12 year old is still using the bathroom in his pants. He’s embarrassed but seems unable to control himself. What should I do?
Concerned

Dear Concerned,
I'll tell you what worked for both of my boys when they shat themselves... Mockery. I named one "Shatbritches", the other "Stinkass" and that’s what I called them until they stopped with the drawers full of stink, which I believe was about the same time they moved out of the house. If mockery doesn’t help, duct tape their ass cheeks together.


Dear Arnold,
The doctor says that I might have to have a cesarean. I want to give birth at home, but because of the baby's position, they say I need to be in a hospital. I think they're wrong, I'm going to give birth naturally at home anyway. What do you think?
Determined

Dear Determine,
That’s the attitude. Don’t listen to those doctors, what the hell do they know anyway. You stay at home and squeeze that puppy out. This is all about you. Don’t let that baby stand in the way of your birthing experience. Sure the baby might come out a little damaged, but that feeling of being a complete woman will last a lifetime.


Dear Arnold,
We believe in "attachement parenting" where we are very responsive to the infant's physical and emotional needs. We were wondering about your thoughts on co-sleeping.
Susan

Dear Susan,
I don’t even know where to start. Did this come to you after you sucked on a bong, or did a crystal beam that nonsense into your head while you worshipped a tree? I guess they’ll be one more hippie baby in the world my great grandson’s gonna have to smack in the head.


Dear Arnold,
I’ve heard that you can’t spoil a newborn, is that true?
David

Dear David,
Kids are born spoiled... waaa I need food… waaa I need milk... waaa I need human contact. Life is hard, dirty, and sometimes in Da Kang you gotta leave your buddy lying in a pool of his own entrails to fight off the commie onslaught. Praying death will come fast and let you take some stinking pinkos out with you.


Dear Arnold,
When I gave birth to my daughter two months ago, I decided to stop working and stay home. Now I'm wondering if I made the right decision. It's a lot of work and I have no time for other pursuits. What should I do?
Sally

Dear Sally,
Well you really screwed up didn’t you? Let’s see.... make money and deal with adults… or …. wipe poo off the inside thigh of some screaming snot factory. With decision-making skills like that, you would have failed in business anyway.

Don't Do Drugs - By Brandy

I just want people to know that I think drugs are like so not cool, you know. They make you stupid and stuff, and only losers do them. I mean some drugs are good like Daddy's heart medicine or Momma’s brain pills, but some drugs are bad like marawana and heroine. They make you dumb and rob people and murder old ladies. Why would you want to murder old ladies?

I knew this girl once who got high on marajana and she had sex with 42 football players. 42! At once! That’s 39 more than I’ve ever done. Then she was all high and stuff and raped this poodle in my neighborhood and then ate it. She ate a poodle! The cops found her naked on the highway covered in poodle hair, saying she saw Jesus. Now she’s locked up in a mental institution all because she thought it was cool to smoke majawana. I mean do you want to have sex with 54 football players, eat a poodle and see Jesus? I don’t. That’s why I am never ever gonna smoke marawana ever again. Because I love poodles and Jesus.

So remember what do you say if someone offers you pot? You say, I don’t need drugs to be cool! Take your drugs elsewhere druggie man.

Vatican Researching Possibility of Robo-Pope

Working on right now. I know there's a funny picture to be made here. Just need to find the pieces. If anyone can think of funny stuff post it.

With the health of Pope John Paul keeping the Vatican in a state of concern, Vatican officials have turned to scientists in the area of robotics for possibilities of prolonging the Pope's life, or creating a Half-Pope/Half-Machine Cybernetic ChristianTron should the Lord attempt to call him home.

"We're exploring all avenues. We have the technology. We can rebuild him, make him better, stronger," a spokesman for the Vatican stated. "It might be expensive. It could be in upwards of an eight to Ten-Million-Dollar Pope."

Among the benefits of a Robo-Pope is that the Pope Mobile, which is expensive to maintain, would be uneeded as the new Pope would be bullet proof. "And fully armed," said Archbishop Gatzania. "Though he would only kill with the blessings of God, or if the attacker is a non-Christian."

Another feature is that the Pope's outer casing will come in a wide variety of colors. "From Crucifixion Red to Self-Loathing Brown, though we'll probably go with a nice glistening Papal Gold. It's really an eye-catcher."

"There's also been talk of a high-volume holy water discharging device to blast blessings onto crowds of people. He would be programmed to speak 450 languages, and would use Google to search through 53 versions of the holy bible. We're still deciding whether the Pope will be Windows or Linux based. There would also be a deactivate button in case he gets out of control, which is good, you know how he tends to ramble."

Another possibility is a jet pack that would allow the Pope to fly to distressed parts of world and convert heathens from a life of sin. Also, Robo-Pope's super-human strength would allow him to more sucessfully fight the evil Anti-Pope who's lair is just too far for the Pope to walk to right now.

"We think he could really become the enforcer of Christian law," commented Archbishop Gatzania. "If I got a visit from Robo-Pope at my house I would definitly think twice about using condoms and I would probably have to change my robe, if you know what I'm saying."

Dear Arnold

Arnold Crapacan is a Korean War veteran and a member of the Woodfin Lions Club.

Dear Arnold,
My wife is having twins in a couple of months and I’m worried about the amount of work taking care of two babies will require. What suggestions do you have?
Worried.

Dear Worried,
Don’t worry. They can take care of themselves. Twins have the ESP and talk to each other with their brains. One can send a telepathic message to the other saying, “My ass needs cleaning.” Throw a couple of diapers and wipes in the room, some food, and they'll be fine. Of course, you’ll need to find out which one is the evil twin and commence the ass-whoopin'.

Dear Arnold,
My little Ryan is turning 5 this week. Do you have some birthday celebration suggestions to liven up the birthday fun!
Excited.

Dear Excited,
Nothing gets a party going like corn liquor. Pour some of that in the little kneebiters' punch bowl, sit back and watch the fun. It will give little Ryan another birthday present: A life lesson about holding his liquor and not puking on his own birthday cake in front of the little red-haired girl he’s trying to impress. Of course, I’ve been learning that one for the last 70 odd years.

Dear Arnold,
When I gave birth to my daughter two months ago, I decided to stop working and stay home. Now I'm wondering if I made the right decision. It's a lot of work and I have no time for other pursuits. What should I do?
Sally

Dear Sally,
Well you really screwed up didn’t you? Let’s see.... make money and deal with adults… or …. wipe poo off the inside thigh of some screaming snot factory. You're screwed. Good luck.

Dear Arnold,
My son isn't athletic and the other boys make fun of him. It's hurting his self-esteem. I'm pushing him to try other interests. What's the best way to handle this?
Concerned.

Dear Concerned,
There's nothing wrong with your son pursuing other interests. If he's not good at sports, I'm sure he's good at other things. Has he tried sewing, knitting or doll making? Perhaps he knows what drapes best compliment your wall paper, or how to make a really pretty dress. There are lots of activities your limp-wristed, pansy-ass son could do with all the other girls.

Dear Arnold,
Our son is starting public school in a couple of years. What are some qualities that you look for when deciding what school your child should attend.
David

Dear David,
Sending your child to public school is a mistake. I didn't have a nut blown off in Da Kang so some long-haired hippie can teach my child we all come from monkeys. Home schooling is your best choice. That's how I was raised. My father taught me how our forefathers saved America from the invading Indians. How McCarthy got rid of all the communists before he ascended into heaven. Why hippies snort marijuana and love Satan. He taught me how to kill a man 32 different ways.. 34 if they're not American. Public school will do nothing but turn your child into a drug-licking, book-reading sex addict who loves monkeys and hates America.

'ROO POO

Tazmanians live the dream of creating paper from Kangaroo poop.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/4266857.stm

Am I a blogger?

Monkey's learn to buy porn!

So like us...

http://www.livescience.com/animalworld/050128_monkey_business.html

B-to-the-E

Anhauzer-Bush have officially lost their minds. This'll go on the alchohol wall-of-shame right next to "Cool Colt".
http://www.wral.com/food/4131508/detail.html?sidebar=ots

Billy Sticks it to “The Man”, Gets Hurt Real Bad

Billy is now recuperating after successfully sticking it to “The Man”. It was quite a satisfying shaft to the entity that has been in fact holding him down. But now Billy lies in bed recuperating from the unforseen consequences of his actions.

“I had had enough.” Billy said. “The Man” has always held me down and it was time to stick it to him. So one day I just got up and did it. I stuck it to “The Man.” But then “The Man” stuck it back to me and I wasn’t prepared for that. They never mention that to you, when people say you need to stick it to “The Man”. It’s not fair really. Sticking should be one way, me to “The Man”, not the other way around. I’m going to talk to some one in authority about this, maybe “Them”. I bet “They” know what to do. Maybe “They” will help me stick it to “The Man” again. But what if “They” are “The Man”? Maybe I should forget “Them” and “The Man” and stick it to “The Powers That Be”? I hope they don’t hurt me."